Woke up this morning to the realization that a lot of families were unsure how to discuss exactly what happened with this year’s presidential election.

From dear friends to complete strangers, there seems to be a general befuddlement of, “How in the ever-loving eff are we supposed to tell our kids the bully won?” (And this is not a debate about politics, just to be clear. This isn’t about looking back, pointing fingers, or wondering about an alternate timeline. This is about things that were said, things that were done, by our President-Elect. Undeniably. Things that are unequivocally, unwaveringly bullying.)

So what do we tell them?

Tell them something I learned through childhood. Tell them something many of us know.
Tell them the thing that hurts, doesn’t make sense, and stands against everything we are trying to teach them in school.

Sometimes, the bullies win.

That’s it. Tell them truth.

Sometimes, the bullies win.

It isn’t fair, it isn’t right. But it’s real.

Sometimes, the bullies win… and it stings like a mother.

Let them know that salty, bitter taste of reality. And let them know that they can move on.

As a child, I wanted to believe that the bullies would meet swift, painful, and wildly elaborate forms of justice. After all, pop culture continually fed me fantastic stories of revenge upon those who would kick sand in my face! No question the Cobra Kai would fall! And Biff Tannen would absolutely get his (and with a mouthful of shit for good measure!)

Only, it didn’t happen that way. Sometimes, there was some messy amends or a sloppy separation of parties to avoid future conflicts. Other times, well, the little fuckers just got away with it.

For me, at a certain point, I stopped caring. I stopped giving that type of engagement or interaction my time… and I became my own, independent, little individual that became the person writing these words today. (Trust me, seeing the amount of racism, sexism, and rampant vitriol that keeps bubbling over lately, I look at my ability to react that way as an absolute luxury.)

I’m not being glib or making light of any of this. And, deep down, I want to believe that we are all good or have a capacity for good (but, also, deep down, we are also still animals and can still be kinda shitty.)

But we can’t just look at what’s wrong and say it’s wrong… we can’t just throw our hands up in the air. Yes, let’s make sure we remember to continue to teach about what’s right. And to push back on what’s wrong, no matter how much it would compress us.

The worse thing we can do right now is to sugarcoat it or quickly move past it. No, this is the perfect time to look at the wreckage… examine it, ask questions, pick through it, probe, push, whatever it takes to make it a thing we can prepare them for.

Sometimes, the bullies win.
Sometimes, they don’t.